Have you ever been sitting next to someone on a subway, at a coffee shop, in a bar… and quietly pondered: “what is it about this person that just makes me want to run from them?” Better yet, have you ever asked yourself the hard question: “how come I can’t exude this repellant energy so people won’t give me a chance either?” Like how many fails does it take to end up like this guy?

Don’t let these people’s low vibration fool you: achieving very little in a prolonged amount of time is actually way harder than it looks, trust me I know a guy who knows a guy that’s friends with a guy who knows the guy I’m talking about really well and he will tell you, with conviction, being a waste of life is an art form son. So buckle up, saddle up or do whatever it is you do to get prepared to get hit with knowledge and insight on how to become the loser you always dreamed of. This might be bumpy, but before you cultivate your pessimistic mantra first look at great artists such as Alex Grey and Banksy and philosophers such as Alan Watts and Socrates. Do you think Alan Watts woke up one day with all the answers? Do you think Alex Grey woke up one day, glanced at his phone and by some miracle there was a text from Maynard James Keenan? Maybe there was actually but Idk because I wasn’t there; however, I am going wild on this one and confidently say it probably didn’t go down that way. As a matter of fact, all of the aforementioned greats all had one thing in common: they all put the work in to achieve what they were created for. So just as these people spent their lives in pursuit of their dreams, you can take their good example and do the opposite if you so choose. So, without further ado, here is the foolproof blueprint one could implement to ruin their lives and the lives of those around them. Let’s go?

Method One: Ruining Your Life By Being What Others Want You to Be

Becoming someone you were not created to be takes work, and assuming you don’t like work then there is a very simple, yet proven effective method that you can implement to make your life way easier. This method, put simply, is to abandon your innate desires placed in you by the universe (to me that’s God) to achieve something that is even way harder to attain. It’s harder to attain, but much easier at the same damned time. What in the hell am I even talking about?

What I mean is sometimes when it gets really difficult for us to figure out what is best for us we often default to the modality that insists we fit in with others. We will often say to ourselves: “I really want to be an architect but I don’t think I can learn all that math and stuff, let me just ask my friends and family what they think I should do with my life instead.” If you are looking for a tried and true way to repel others by abandoning purpose then, to me this is the best method. Remember, nothing says loser like someone who refuses to win at life, and I mean like ever; but in this way of becoming all that you were not created to be is very clever imho. And guess what? If and when it doesn’t work out you can rest in the comfort of blaming others it didn’t work out for you, and that’s a win if you ask me. Remember, you asked for this… I’m just a messenger, be gentle.

Method 2: Ask an Unqualified Friend Their Opinion of Your Situation, Disregard Logic and Go For It!

We all may have this one friend we confide in. Some have the luxury of this friend being good for them long-term, but many do not. Many are encumbered with a soul tie to a lifelong bestie that clearly does not have their best interests at heart. Hypothetical case in point: Girlfriend and boyfriend break up for trivial concerns and maybe his way of showing his lack of concern for the split is that he is impassive and simply moves on. Now a good friend would speak to her bestie objectively rather than coddle her just to make her feel better. Also, being a reliable and loving bestie she would intuitively express her deep concern for her loss, while all the while, keeping it real with her.

She might say something like: “maybe you should take a look at your need to possess men rather than love them the way God loves them” or “fix the God-sized hole in you and then you will attract the love you desire.” That would be a good friend right? For one she authoritatively expressed her concern for her friend’s common human condition. Secondly she generously ended these hypotheticals on a positive note, both times. That’s not the friend we want if our dream is to abandon our dream of becoming great. If you are a woman and seek loserdom it is imperative you drop that friend fast and in a hurry and find a female who will lie to you. Look around, they are everywhere. Saying things like: “I guess you were just too much amazing for him to handle,” or “I don’t care if he has status, good looks, has money and ambition, and you don’t have any of those things except for good looks: he is still not good enough for my sister!”

These are the type of lies we can use to build a very soft, but very BIG foundation. Kinda like the ego maybe. And you see, just as the “good bestie” planted seeds that would likely germinate and grow into something magical, the “bad bestie” is responsible for tainting her friend’s foundation with egotistical lies and false pride.

On a personal level, I kinda miss those days, you know where I talked about being great instead of actually becoming great? Unfortunately, I no longer have the drive to be a loser but if that’s your jam then I get behind you, 100%. I mean obviously, I’m giving you the blueprint of essentials of how to accomplish less while expending more energy.

Method 3: Take Risks in Life, But Not in a Good Way

I said the the first method was the best but this one has gotta be the most fun. For our purposes, let’s just say you are not living for purpose but instead you work a job you hate so you can buy shit you don’t need.

Better yet, instead I will paint a picture of what is going on. You are, for this example, an artist, a visionary an entertainer, and instead of actualizing your potential you abandon all hope of ever doing anything with your talents and instead sell trailers to middle class America. It’s a lot of money and the ego loves to pad them stats but with all that money and status you allow it to go to your head, all the while you are in conflict with what friends and family think you should do and be and you have lost touch with who God created you to be. You are simply torn and stuck. Sounds personal. Well for many this would act as the engine for inspiration for possibly the best, “come to Jesus” moment in your life. You could actually assess what would be best for you by weighing your options and then take a hard look at what you want, followed by determination to gain the moxie to do something about it. Sounds like this person would have to take a risk and jump out into the unknown to become that famous musician, writer, artist or whatever this hypothetical person is supposed to be. And assuming this hypothetical person in this hypothetical scenario took a hypothetical plunge into the unknown, this would sketch the outline for Scenario A. In Scenario A this person defies all stressors from the lower mind and really goes after what he/she was called by God to be. Scenario A sounds scary af doesn’t it? Scenario B has got to be safer! Let’s briefly touch on (no I’m not Catholic) what would happen if we weren’t willing to take those kinds of risks. If you seek to remain seated in a 3D world stuck in the cycle of materialism, hedonism and individualism while the 5th dimension (what I know to be heaven) is tangible on Earth… Enough with the philosophy lesson Navi, keep it simple. Let’s just say if you wanna be a loser then you have come to the right place.

Okay, let’s talk about Scenario B. This is where taking risks really heats up. In this paradigm our subject not only doesn’t pursue his/her dreams, but this person actually quits the trailer industry in the pursuit of worldly pleasures. And what I mean by worldly pleasure is boats, drugs and hoes. From my understanding, and I could be wrong or this might be satire but: The Bible, to me really pushes pleasure seeking modalities over abandonment of selfishness. In this instance the subject takes different kinds of risks: risks of STD’s, risk of getting robbed, risk of being risky. Not to mention a loss of connection in relationships and with the inevitability of what should be, purpose. So now this person can lose his/her fear of becoming great because there is no longer a desire to be great. This person has a clear understanding of what second place really means: the first one to lose, and by-golly our subject wants that.